when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
