I just made out with a guy for $7.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
