if i can run in heels then i can drive
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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