i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
