brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
