there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Two words: blizzard sex
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
