the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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