Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
