i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
