Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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