I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
