Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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