he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
