Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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