just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
