btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
