I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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