Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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