Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
