DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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