the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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