We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
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Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
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I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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