That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
