bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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