dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
