During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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