girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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