Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
