I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
