I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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