She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
