Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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