If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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