I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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