She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
