This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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