im about as happy as oj after his trial
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
