We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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