two words: eviction party
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
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The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
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Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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