Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
