My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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