he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
