i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
