I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
