Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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