Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
