Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i wish my penis had a tongue
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
