Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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