Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?

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(561): View more from Florida

i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM

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(479): View more from Arkansas

hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?

(1-479): View more from Arkansas

what?

(479): View more from Arkansas

your penis

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.

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(805): View more from California

The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break

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(314): View more from Missouri

At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?

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(703): View more from Virginia

Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe

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(416): View more from Toronto

If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy

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