at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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