Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
