Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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