I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
