Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
