i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
