brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
