Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
