I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I am midnight drunk by noon
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
