Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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