Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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