I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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