mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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